open } everybody is kung fu fighting

[graveflowers]

☒ ᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴsᴘᴀᴍ ☒ ᴘʀᴏsᴇ ☒ ᴘɪᴄᴛᴜʀᴇ ᴘʀᴏᴍᴘᴛs ☒ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴡᴏʀᴅʟʏ

Comments

for mark }

[graveflowers]

[ from here ]

[ she doesn't like what she is hearing -- both because it gives voice to the debilitating guilt she feels and because she hates that mark has ever felt like this. she certainly doesn't feel like they lucked out with her, luther was far more capable and just good at what he did and she is the epitome of a walking hot mess. what does she even bring to the table? myri can heal, there's more than enough fighters. all vi has accomplished is getting snared by a nightmare god and not realizing her sister was actually a doppelganger. she is beyond useless, she's worthless. they don't need her and they would be perfectly fine without her. vi isn't irreplaceable.

she's just there.

her face scrunches up trying to hold tears back, because the last thing anyone needs is more crying from her, and she stares at her hands, tracing her thumbnail across the scar on the back of her hand. ]

No one needs me, Mark. They never have. I was only around because I was Kat's squire, I've only been in the way or holding them back since.

[nosdacariad]

[ mark steps closer, reaching one hand out to squeeze her shoulder as he stands over her. ] You were around because you're a part of this family, and because you make a difference every day you're here. Believe me, Vi, I know the feeling. You don't know how many times Myri's had to talk me down from feeling it, had to try and convince me that I'd ever done more than... than drag this entire team down.

You lift people up. Without even trying, you do.

[graveflowers]

[ her head shakes, but she lifts her hand to cover mark's because the physical contact is like a tether and she lost hers when luthir died and she feels like a balloon set free on a windy day. she'd lost the tiny tether with jade and then she'd lost her anchor with luthir and now she's just...

lost.

words completely fail her, grief making her double over in pain. she tries so hard to keep up the act that she's getting through it and she's okay, she's fine, just keep trucking, because that's what people want to hear, what they want to see, but that tiny brush on contact is her undoing.

maybe she should have put the lion king on in the background. no one would fault her for crying if mufasa just died. ]

[nosdacariad]

[ the moment her walls crack, his hesitancy vanishes, and instead of the simple touch, he reaches out to wrap her in an embrace, not saying anything else, just squeezing her tightly. ]

[graveflowers]

[ mark hugs are the best hugs. she clings to him like a koala until she can get a handle on the overwhelming tears. ] Sorry.

[nosdacariad]

You sure as hell don't have anything to apologize for.

[graveflowers]

Besides making a mess of your shirt? I'm a mess all the time, I can't... I'm... It was supposed to get better, when the nightmares stopped. But it's just spiders. Everything is spiders. And Wynn's counting on us to go fight win against Sarandis and I'm not gonna be any help. I don't even know what we're fighting for anymore. I'm a shitty excuse for a knight and a person and a friend and I'm sorry, because I want to be able to be there for you if you need me, but god, I suck at that too.

[nosdacariad]

You are there for me, Vi. Just by being you. That's... that's all I'm trying to say.

[graveflowers]

Okay. [ she sniffles a little, pulling back to wipe her face. she still doesn't believe it, but she also doesn't want to keep feeling bad. ] How'd you get to be so sweet?

[nosdacariad]

[ he sort of grimaces in his attempt to smile. ] Not easily.

[graveflowers]

Mark, how come you never talk about your family? [ the abrupt segue only makes sense to vi because she was stuck thinking about jade and luthir and she mind just drifted to mark's family because he was also all alone and vi can't help her urge to big sister him. ]

[nosdacariad]

[ that gives him pause, and he raises his gaze to study her for a second before saying: ] Maybe because I spend so much time thinking about them, that I just want to ... think about something else when I get the chance.

[graveflowers]

[ she nods slowly. she understands, but it doesn't mean she wants to know any less. ]

I guess. You were sixteen when you came here, right? Like, you've been there for a while. Long enough that people here consider you family. I mean, you get why we're curious, at least, right? My family is dead, all of them. So... you know, you're my family now. I just... want to know you.

[nosdacariad]

[ he nods at the sixteen part, but frowns deeply at the rest, staring down at his lap ] Your mom's Persephone, right?

[graveflowers]

Yeah. I've only met her once though, when I was thirteen.

[nosdacariad]

So you were... raised by your dad?

[graveflowers]

I don't remember. I think he might have died? The first thing I can remember is my mom walking me to the Legion. My stitches came undone and I was bleeding, it was a really great introduction. Mostly everything else is blurry, just some stuff that stands out. More now, thanks to the nightmares, I remember a lot more people dying, more battles.

[nosdacariad]

I can't imagine it ever gets easy, no matter how many people you lose.

[graveflowers]

Probably gets worse. Start thinking weird shit like... what if it's me? What if I did something awful once upon a time and this is just karmic retribution. I mean, there is a goddess for that so it's not out of the question. Nemesis is hardcore. Just, but hardcore.

[nosdacariad]

It's not you, Vi.

When terrible things happen, it's generally because of terrible people making it happen.

[graveflowers]

Or, alternately, I'm cursed. [ she sighs heavily. ] I know it's not me. It's never been me, I just happen to be the common denominator in all the deaths in my life because it's my life. I know that, but it doesn't make it feel any less like it's because of me. I'm supposed to bring life but I'm surrounded by death.

Just like my mom.

[nosdacariad]

You do bring life, everywhere you go. Believe me. Bringing it to places surrounded by death seems like bringing it where it's needed the most.

[graveflowers]

I guess. [ she's a little dubious, but she doesn't want him to think she's not at least listening to him. ]

[nosdacariad]

[ 42 - coldplay

he stares off absently at the floor ] Trust me. When... when things get hard for me, it's the little things that remind me what we're living for that keep me going. Even if it's just... goofing around with you guys. A hug. An ice cream sundae. [ he looks up at her, giving her a little smile ] Someone taking the time to try to get to know me.

Life.

[graveflowers]

Well, that's easy then, isn't it? Because I'm pretty much a professional good and I will always want to get to know you. I love you, Mark. You're part of my family now -- have been since I put that little peg in my little car and became a ski instructor.

[ ah... life. ]